So obviously in the falling into despair my life has been swirling into, this blog fell into another hiatus.
No longer goals of structure and order. Right now just treading water and holding onto the life ring.
- Because, man it sucks, none of us get the life do-over we want. Hell, sometimes I think I deserve one. But maybe I can dream of a time where things are stable and life isn’t a giant crap hole. Then I be reborn and start anew. Or maybe just get more than 5 hours of sleep will help me feel like a person of worth instead of a hideous fat zombie shell of a woman.
- My mind is consumed. It is consumed with the things I need to do, want to do, have to do, remember having done, wish I hadn’t done, wish I had done, want to just throw in the towel and move some place warm on a beach and say screw it all.
- My bitterness is so much back in full force. I keep cutting people from my life and am amazed by the low quality of which my friendships were in truth. I need to forge ahead and forget.
- Exactly how I feel. Will that ever change?