If you have anxiety like me then you know:
- how much you worry about getting things done
- how hard it is to actually get anything done
For me my brain just takes over and I (without medication) would not be able to sleep because I would never stop making lists or plans.
None of them come to fruition. I would wake up exhausted. I would then worry about worrying so much and then worry and again not do anything but lay in bed.
Medication has been helping. I now am stuck in the “waiting for the perfect moment”
I know it will be that moment to rearrange the closet when the dining room is finally clean. Here’s a clue, the dining room is always a hot mess.
When not dosing myself to sleep, my brain is a one track (or 5 track) high speed train. I have no idea what silence in my head feels like. If I run out of things to plan, remember, analyze (I mean like back to elementary school people), I then will go into panic about crazy events and scenarios. In that case, then I have nightmares and wake up in the morning unsure what is real or unreal.
It all sorts out because eventually I can toss myself into work and doing the job of 2 people really gives me plenty of time to run around like the crazy person I am.
But I really want to have more than work and sleep. And dear Lord, we are never not going to toss all our crap on that table. Nor am I going to find the missing box of photos in the back of the closet.
I would like to live in the now. It sounds interesting how people without anxiety live (like you don’t have a constant narrative of stuff in your head….like what is that like?)
In my obsessive little corner of my world, the solution of course came in the form of a lesson plan. Yes that’s right. In order to WORRY LESS, I made an hourly class schedule for myself to do things in my nonwork time. So, it’s scheduled like work …..but at home.
I am not sure if this is a step forward for me.